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	<title>Kris Ellen &#187; Tantra</title>
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	<description>Kris Ellen, Professional Sensualist</description>
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		<title>A celebration of Return</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/327</link>
		<comments>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/327#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 17 Jul 2010 19:37:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Dear Sensualists,
It has been 7 years since I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. My path has taken me to the depths of Self exploration and back. In these depths I redefined and confirmed my Service to humanity. Thus the Professional Sensualist was born.
Now, 7 years later I find myself called back to the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Dear Sensualists,</p>
<p>It has been 7 years since I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. My path has taken me to the depths of Self exploration and back. In these depths I redefined and confirmed my Service to humanity. Thus the Professional Sensualist was born.</p>
<p>Now, 7 years later I find myself called back to the Bay Area. The level of consciousness and community sing to my heart. The next few months I will be expanding my offerings and sharing these delightful Sensualist sessions with sincere seekers.</p>
<p>In CELEBRATION of this return, I am offering a special offering of support to reconnect with my Bay Area roots. For the next phases of my journey, I am offering these Arts at an amazing value. Yes, I understand these are challenging times financially. I honor your hard work for your chi, and when you choose to share this abundance here for your own growth and pleasure you make a choice. How do you choose to spend your money?</p>
<p>In September I will be moving to San Francisco for a couple of weeks. I have a delightful Temple space available and will be creating delightful sessions for sincere seekers.</p>
<p>I have some Cuddle Parties planned for this fall in the East Bay. These events are a great non-sexual way to learn communication, and relationship boundary skills you can use everyday. Check out cuddleparty.com for more information about these wonderful events.</p>
<p>If you are a practitioner of the Sensual Arts, I will be coordinating with Dr. Betty Martin for her Like a Pro course in the end of August.</p>
<p>More events will be added soon. Keep your eyes out, and I look forward to hearing from you soon to schedule your delightful Sensualist session.</p>
<p>Blessings,</p>
<p>Kris Ellen</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Double Goddess sessions available</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/290</link>
		<comments>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/290#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 16 Jun 2010 07:08:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Body Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Goddess Sacred Spot]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Duo Goddess sessions]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Four hands, two hearts and two talented, experienced, energetic women are available to create amazing, unique  sessions for your personal growth and expansion. Yes! Come dive into these amazing sessions, and feel the exponential healing  possible as your Soul sings.
I invite you to explore your highest potential with me, Kris Ellen: Sacred Sensualist, and these [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Four hands, two hearts and two talented, experienced, energetic women are available to create amazing, unique  sessions for your personal growth and expansion. Yes! Come dive into these amazing sessions, and feel the exponential healing  possible as your Soul sings.</p>
<p>I invite you to explore your highest potential with me, Kris Ellen: Sacred Sensualist, and these amazing Goddesses.</p>
<p>I am honored to share that as my travels have expanded my practice, so too my knowledge of the amazing women in our community has blossomed. My fellow Goddesses are some of the most talented women offering sessions in our world. They travel the globe offering these Sacred Arts. Are you ready to receive from not just one Goddess, but two?</p>
<p>If you desire a delicious session with us please contact me. This is your chance to create a delightful investment in your Tantric journey.</p>
<p>I look forward to our time together.</p>
<p>Blessings,</p>
<p>Kris Ellen</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Southern California visit, Southwestern tour</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/267</link>
		<comments>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/267#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 18 Apr 2010 22:44:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Body Awareness]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Cuddle Party]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Utah]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://wickedpxy.com/?p=267</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Greetings Sensualists,
As spring grows in fullness, this season again finds me ready and excited to travel to the annual Sedona Conference of Sex and Consciousness  Educators. This year I will be presenting a perspective on celibacy in the polyamourious community. On my journey down into Arizona I have availability to create some time with [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Greetings Sensualists,</p>
<p>As spring grows in fullness, this season again finds me ready and excited to travel to the annual <span>Sedona Conference of Sex and Consciousness  Educators. This year I will be presenting a perspective on celibacy in the polyamourious community. On my journey down into Arizona I have availability to create some time with you!<br />
</span></p>
<p><span><em>These dates are flexible, and I look forward to co-creating a delicious session with you as works for both our schedules.</em><br />
</span></p>
<p><span>I am available in Southern CA April 30th-May 3rd. May 1st I will be celebrating Beltane with some beautiful, sacred  ceremonies in </span>Laguna Beach. <span><br />
</span></p>
<p><span>I am available in Phoenix May 4th and 5th, and May 12-16th. <strong>May 15th</strong> I am excited to share my first review C<strong>uddle Party! </strong>Come out and join in the frolic. Tickets are $30 at the door, or are available online. </span></p>
<p><span>If you are in Utah I am looking at creating a travel plans which includes your beautiful state. Please contact me for more information.</span></p>
<p>Sensualist sessions, Coaching appointments and educational events are all available.</p>
<p>I look forward to sharing these amazing Sacred Arts with you.</p>
<p>Blessings,</p>
<p>Kris Ellen</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>A great article!</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/244</link>
		<comments>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/244#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 31 Mar 2010 17:16:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Body Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Goddess Sacred Spot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Holistic Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male Sacred Spot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Professional Sensualist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ritual]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sacred Sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexual Mystic]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tantra]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sacred Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sacred sexuality]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Sexual vitality]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[From Real Magick www.realmagick.com/articles/32/2032.html
by Magdalene Meretrix.
I resonate with much of what She shares here. Great overview and exploration of these energies. Thank you for sharing so well dearHeart.
Can You Bhoga All Night Long? An Introduction to Tantra, East and  West
by Magdalene Meretrix
 

When you hear the word Tantra, what images come to mind? Turbans [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>From Real Magick </strong>www.realmagick.com/articles/32/2032.html<br />
by Magdalene Meretrix.</p>
<p>I resonate with much of what She shares here. Great overview and exploration of these energies. Thank you for sharing so well dearHeart.</p>
<p><strong>Can You Bhoga All Night Long? An Introduction to Tantra, East and  West</strong></p>
<h3>by Magdalene Meretrix</h3>
<p><span> </span></p>
<div>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When you hear the word Tantra, what images come to mind? Turbans  and                 Sitar music? Mind-blowing sex? Most people in the  Western world have heard the                 word Tantra, but few know anything in detail about what  it means. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span> </span></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The situation in India isn&#8217;t much different. Many people in  larger                 cities have adopted the Western view of the world,  including the Western view                 of Tantra, while those in the smaller towns and villages  often to equate Tantra                 with sorcery and black magic. The truth appears to lie  somewhere in between.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Tantra is a form of Yoga (see glossary below) &#8212; another word  that to                 mean something different in the West. It may make you  think of people bending                 themselves into pretzel shapes, but those physical  exercises, part of a system                 called Hatha Yoga, are a tiny fraction of this ancient  and complex                 philosophical system.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Tantra is also a very ancient system of spiritual philosophy and  way of                 life. Most scholars agree that Tantra is even older than  the Hindu religion.                 Sanskrit words have a great depth of meaning. It would  take an entire essay                 just to go through the various shades of meaning  included in the word                 &#8220;tantra,&#8221; but one simple translation is &#8220;an extension of                 knowledge.&#8221;</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Even though Tantra is so old, it&#8217;s been controversial from the                 beginning. Teachers of Yoga, a spiritual path that  teaches separation from the                 world, and of Bhoga, a spiritual path that teaches that  physical pleasure can                 lead a person to divine enlightenment, have nearly  always been at odds with one                 another. Gurus, even today, will often tell you that  bhoga is just hedonistic                 self-indulgence and tantra is very dangerous.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">But Kaula Tantra, the form of tantra that Westerners are most  familiar                 with, is a way to unite yoga and bhoga &#8211; to discover the  divine through                 enjoying the pleasures of the physical world.  Traditional Tantra is not a                 single unified thing but rather a collection of schools  of thought and action,                 many very different from one another. Consider the word  &#8220;Christian&#8221;                 and think of how different a Quaker meeting house is  from a Roman Catholic                 cathedral. Similarly, there are some forms of Tantra  that include magical                 incantations, some that include eating of feces or  copulation with corpses and                 some that advocate complete sexual celibacy. Kaula is  the school of Tantra that                 includes the Maithuna ritual &#8212; sacred sexual  intercourse. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span> </span></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">To the Kaula Tantrika, pleasure is not an end in itself but a way  to                 contact divinity &#8212; to reach a state of Samarasa. A  person in Samarasa views                 the world with equality &#8212; sort of like the phrase I&#8217;m  sure you&#8217;ve heard:                 &#8220;All are One.&#8221; The ancient saying adopted by the  neo-pagans, &#8220;as                 above, so below,&#8221; finds its place in Kaula Tantra, where  the sexual union                 of a couple represents the union of the god Shiva and  the goddess Shakti. This                 union of the gods, in turn, represents the mystical  union of the universal                 forces of creation and destruction. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Unlike most Eastern philosophies, tantra doesn&#8217;t deny the  physical                 world. While other religions teach that the physical  plane is an illusion we                 must escape, Kaula Tantra considers concrete reality to  be a magical condition                 that we can use to propel ourselves to a higher state of  consciousness.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Western Tantra, an eclectic blend of select beliefs from Kaula  Tantra                 mixed with new age and neo-pagan beliefs, is not  necessarily any less effective                 than Eastern Tantra. For the practitioner who was born  and raised in the                 culture and mindset of the New World, Western Tantra is  often more effective                 and accessible than traditional Kaula Tantra with its  complex rituals, foreign                 vocabulary and multiple godforms.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I grew up with a form of Yoga that was filtered through Western                 teachings much as tantra has been Westernized. As a  child, I learned about                 chakras (powerful energy centers in the human body) and  prana (life-force                 energy) from my father. The colors I learned to  associate with the chakras,                 however, are not the traditional Indian colors and many  traditional yoga                 teachers would consider some of the prana exercises I  use unorthodox. My                 approach to tantra yoga has, from the outset, been a  blend of Eastern and                 Western traditions and likewise these techniques I&#8217;m  going to introduce to you                 here are an eclectic blend of both worlds.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I have used many of these techniques over the years in my sex  work as                 well as in my personal life. Using these teachings, and  many others too                 numerous to relate in an introductory article, I have  helped my clients and                 myself develop a greater connection between spirit and  body. These exercises                 are also useful for a variety of specific issues such as  premature ejaculation                 or inability to reach orgasm.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The first step to practicing transcendent sex is to tone your  body. The                 better condition your body is in, the better sex will be  for you and your                 partner and the more chance you have of reaching that  transcendent Divine state                 through bhoga. This doesn&#8217;t mean you have to look like a  centerfold or a                 bodybuilder. Good condition looks different from body to  body &#8211; what matters is                 not how your body looks but how it feels to you.  Practicing Hatha Yoga will                 condition your body as will any exercises or activities  that strengthen your                 endurance and your flexibility.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">One of my favorite books for learning Hatha Yoga is Richard  Hittleman&#8217;s <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Yoga: 28 Day Exercise Plan</span>. This book appears to be  written for the                 housewife of the 70&#8217;s and there is no mumbo-jumbo in it.  It&#8217;s filled with clear                 photos and lucid descriptions of the asanas, the  &#8220;pretzel positions&#8221;                 that you most likely associate with yoga as a whole. But  there&#8217;s no pretzeling                 here! Hittleman stretches your learning out over the  course of 28 days, giving                 your body time to adjust to the new routines, and  finishes the book off with                 three routines to alternate among for the rest of your  life.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A part of Hatha Yoga that often gets left out in Western yoga  classes                 is the science of breath. You will be amazed at the  difference conscious and                 complete breathing makes in your sex life and in your  life in general. If you                 don&#8217;t believe that your sexual pleasure is affected by  your breathing, try                 masturbating while holding your breath or while  hyperventilating and observe                 the differences.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A complete breath is a breath that fills your entire lungs. Yoga  speaks                 of a life energy called prana that is inhaled through  the nose and fills the                 body. This is the life force that is called Chi or Qi in  other systems.                 Learning to charge your body with prana and offer an  exchange of prana to a                 sexual partner can enhance your pleasure in union. I  have also found that                 concentrating on sending prana to an injured person when  there are no medical                 options available at the moment can effect a &#8220;laying on  of hands&#8221;                 type of pain relief. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span> </span></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I learned breathing and prana from a book called <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Science of  Breath</span> by Yogi Ramacharaka. My father had some old Ramacharaka books  from 1904 (they                 are currently in print again, thanks to Samuel Weiser  publishing) and we                 studied the entire series together. The information in  this little book is                 marvelous and so easy to understand that I was able to  use the techniques                 effectively at age twelve to comfort my pet dog with  prana while we were in the                 car on the way to the vet after he&#8217;d had a heart attack.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">To take a complete breath, pull air in through your nose while  letting                 your abdomen relax to a fuller position. Letting your  stomach pooch out changes                 the position of your diaphragm and pulls air to parts of  your lungs that often                 remain untouched. Once you&#8217;ve filled your lungs as much  as you think you can,                 pull your diaphragm in slightly and raise your shoulders  slightly and fill that                 last little bit of your lungs. Hold the air for a moment  and then slowly let it                 all flow out, using your diaphragm at the end to push  out the last little bits                 of air.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Just this breathing technique alone will make you feel more  alert, more                 energetic and more peaceful. Practice it until it  becomes second nature to you.                 Your objective is to be able to breathe like this  through sex and orgasm. Most                 people pant and hyperventilate during sex but would find  that their sexual                 pleasure is greatly enhanced if they can maintain a  steady complete breath                 during sex and throughout orgasm.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">If you want to use breathing to work with your prana, your body&#8217;s                 natural energy field, visualize the energy entering your  body as a golden                 flowing light and filling your body with each breath. As  you breathe out,                 imagine impurities and negative thoughts leaving your  body, visualized as a                 black or noxious green cloud. Continue breathing until  your entire body is                 drenched in the golden light and then practice  visualizing that light flowing                 from your heart out through the ends of your fingertips  as you breathe out.                 Practicing this with a partner can be great fun,  syncopating your breathing so                 that you are taking turns sending one another energy in  an even rhythm of                 unison breaths.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Once you&#8217;ve begun to get the hang of full breaths and energy  play, the                 next step you might want to take is learning to  &#8220;recycle&#8221; your sexual                 energies. This technique works for men and women both  but in men has the added                 benefit of helping to teach a man to be multi-orgasmic.  But before we go on, I                 should make something clear about male multiple orgasm.  While some men,                 especially younger men, can ejaculate several times in  an evening, this Western                 tantric technique will teach you to orgasm several times  in a row without                 ejaculating. The parts of your brain that control  erection, ejaculation and                 orgasm can function separately and the effort spent  training your body and                 brain to orgasm without ejaculating will reward you with  wave after wave of                 pleasure that leave you energized rather than tired and  drained.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So how can an ordinary person learn to separate orgasm and  ejaculation?                 There is a technique that sounds deceptively simple but,  with practice, can                 greatly enhance both male and female pleasure. I will  describe the technique                 using the male sexual terms but women should not be  afraid of trying these                 techniques for themselves as well. I have found deep  sexual and spiritual                 satisfaction from pulling my orgasmic energies up  through my heart while                 self-pleasuring or during sex. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Begin by masturbating. Some people find it helps them to  concentrate in                 their early practice sessions if they allow themselves  to ejaculate once and                 rest for a while before beginning the practice in  earnest. Once you feel you                 are ready to get down to work, masturbate until you feel  that you are as close                 to orgasm as you can get while still maintaining enough  control to keep from                 coming. Stop at the last possible moment and focus on  letting the sexual                 feelings rise through your body until they pass out  through the top of your                 head. As soon as you are ready to begin again, repeat  the process &#8212;                 masturbating until you reach that brink and then sending  the energy up through                 your body.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Some men find that they have an easier time stopping at the last                 possible moment if they press on their perineum &#8212; the  flat area between the                 testicles and the anus &#8212; with a couple of fingers. This  puts pressure on your                 prostate and helps to send the energy back into your  body rather than spurting                 out with semen. Women might want to experiment with  their male partner&#8217;s                 perineum as well. I have been able to cause an orgasm  without ejaculation in a                 man who had never practiced these techniques before just  by applying the right                 amount of pressure to his perineum while I was sucking  him.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">After you have practiced this technique for a while, you will  reach a                 point where you begin to experience waves of pleasure  that last a very long                 time and, in the case of men, are not accompanied by  ejaculation. There are                 many theories about what the sexual energy and the  unreleased sperm do within                 the body. The thing I&#8217;ve found most important about it  all, however, is that                 practicing this technique enables a man to have many  orgasms during the course                 of having sex with his partner rather than one  exhausting burst of brief                 pleasure.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">If you&#8217;d like to learn more about the exercises that can teach  men to                 become multi-orgasmic, read <span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Multi-Orgasmic Man:  Sexual Secrets Every Man                 Should Know</span> by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">There are so many more exercises and visualizations that I&#8217;d love  to                 talk about, but I&#8217;ll just leave you with one last one &#8212;  the puja. Puja means                 &#8220;worship&#8221; and that&#8217;s exactly what you do when practicing  puja:                 worship your partner. Puja is a ritual wherein you are  able to see the divine                 shining through your partner and reveal the divine to  your partner similarly.                 Puja can be performed externally, using a partner or  even your own genitals, and                 it can be performed internally as a meditation without  actual sex.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Traditional Eastern tantra has many beautiful puja rituals but  some of                 these might seem awkward or even silly to a Westerner.  It depends on the person                 &#8212; if you feel comfortable telling your partner that his  penis &#8220;shines                 with the light of a thousand suns&#8221; then you might want  to look into the                 traditional rituals. For many of us Westerners, a  slightly different symbolism                 resonates better.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">For that matter, you don&#8217;t have to tell your partner anything.  The                 important part of puja is to remember that you are  worshipping, that your                 partner&#8217;s body is a sacred shrine or temple and that you  are touching the                 infinite divine when you touch your partner. You can  even use puja when you are                 with a partner who knows nothing about tantric sex. Your  partner may never                 realize that you were making love to God when you were  with him or her, but                 they will definitely notice the difference in how you  approach them. Puja can&#8217;t                 help but make an impression.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The best, though, is when a couple decides to practice puja  together.                 Offering prana and love and bhoga to one another,  worshipping at each other&#8217;s                 bodies, the couple becomes God loving God, a sacred and  eternal union. Couples                 who have found this point in their lovemaking tend to  describe it as a                 transcendent experience. You&#8217;ll hear comments like, &#8220;I  hit such a euphoric                 high that I was fulfilled physically, sexually, mentally  and emotionally for                 weeks afterward,&#8221; or, &#8220;The sex became so intense that I  could no longer                 tell where I ended and my partner began.&#8221;</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So next time you feel an urge for that Old Time Religion, reach  for                 your genitals, reach for your partner and reach for the  divine. Your body truly                 is a temple of the divine and every day can be a holy  day when you learn to                 bhoga all night long.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Glossary  of Tantric Terms</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Asana &#8211; &#8220;posture&#8221; &#8211; Any of the                 body positions taught in Hatha yoga.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Bhoga &#8211; &#8220;pleasure&#8221; &#8211; To some,                 hedonistic pleasure for pleasure&#8217;s sake. To the kaula  tantrika, pleasure for                 the purpose of uniting with the divine.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Chakra &#8211; &#8220;wheel&#8221; &#8211; One of the                 many points of concentrated energy on the body (some  believe they are                 ganglionic centers in the nervous system).</p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">While there are many chakras throughout the body, western tantra                 focuses on seven of them.<span> </span>Westerners                  attribute the colors of the rainbow to the seven major  chakra although                 traditional yoga follows a different color scheme.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Working with the energies of the chakras can help develop your                 kundalini energy. For more information about the western  version of the                 chakras, visit the SahajaYoga Center&#8217;s Chakra Page at <a href="http://www.sahajayoga.org/ChakrasAndSubtleBody/" target="_blank" onclick="pageTracker._trackPageview('/outgoing/www.sahajayoga.org/ChakrasAndSubtleBody/?referer=');">http://www.sahajayoga.org/ChakrasAndSubtleBody/</a></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Guru &#8211; &#8220;teacher&#8221; &#8211; A spiritual                 guide or teacher in one of the Yoga traditions.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Hatha &#8211; &#8220;Sun-Moon&#8221; &#8211; A system                 of yoga that attempts to open one to the divine through  perfecting the body and                 its vital functions. The primary components of Hatha are  breath work, prana                 work and asanas.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Kaula &#8211; &#8220;knower of kali-kala&#8221; &#8211;                 A branch of tantra that includes sex in some of its  rituals. Kaula tantra is                 symbolized by an eclipse which represents the union of  Sun and Moon.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Kundalini &#8211; &#8220;spiritual force&#8221; &#8211;                 An energy, considered by some to be sexual, that flows  up and down the spine.                 Kundalini is represented by two serpents, Ida and  Pingala, and is said by some                 to &#8220;awaken&#8221; and &#8220;rise&#8221; at some point in one&#8217;s yoga                 practices.</p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Some gurus teach that it is dangerous to attempt to raise one&#8217;s                 kundalini by oneself and thus it can be difficult to  find solid information                 about raising one&#8217;s own kundalini energy. For further  information, consult the                 Kundalini Resource Center at <a href="http://hmt.com/kundalini" target="_blank" onclick="pageTracker._trackPageview('/outgoing/hmt.com/kundalini?referer=');">http://hmt.com/kundalini</a></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Maithuna &#8211; &#8220;sacramental                 intercourse&#8221; &#8211; One of the panchamakara, five sacred  rituals in kaula                 tantra: maithuna (sex), madya (liquor), mudra (bean),  mamsa (flesh) and matsya                 (fish).</p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Kaula tantra teaches that there are three types of people:  Divine,                 Heroic and Beastlike. The Beastlike may not perform  panchamakara because they                 are not enlightened and approach these rituals as sins.  The Divine no longer                 need these rituals in order to connect with divinity  because they have                 assimilated the sacred. The Panchamakara rituals are  only for the Heroic.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> </span></span></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Prana &#8211; &#8220;life-energy&#8221; &#8211; The                 energy of your life force that keeps you alive and  healthy when it is plentiful                 or diseased and dead when it is not. It flows throughout  your body like an                 electric current and can be shared with others. For a  more in-depth look at                 prana, read David Frawley&#8217;s article, <em><span style="font-style: italic;">The Secret of Prana</span></em>, at <a href="http://www.spiritweb.org/Spirit/prana-secret-frawley.html" target="_blank" onclick="pageTracker._trackPageview('/outgoing/www.spiritweb.org/Spirit/prana-secret-frawley.html?referer=');">http://www.spiritweb.org/Spirit/prana-secret-frawley.html</a></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Puja &#8211; &#8220;worship&#8221; &#8211; While this                 word is used to mean any sort of worship ritual or  festival, in kaula tantra it                 often takes on the special meaning of sexual worship. It  can also mean magick                 in some circumstances.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Samarasa &#8211; &#8220;equal interest&#8221; &#8211;                 Also called samadrishti. The condition of enlightenment  wherein one sees                 oneself as the world and the world as being in oneself.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Shakti &#8211; &#8220;strength&#8221; &#8211; One of                 many Hindu goddesses used in tantric practices.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Shiva &#8211; &#8220;the destroyer&#8221; &#8211; One                 of many Hindu gods. Shiva is said to create and destroy  worlds through dancing.</p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Tantra &#8211; &#8220;to extend&#8221; &#8211; A                 collection of philosophical systems found traditionally  in India and Tibet.                 Traditional tantra is very complex and involved. For  more information about                 traditional Eastern tantra, The Hindu Tantrik Home Page  at                 http://www.hubcom.com/tantric is a good place to start.  For a more Western view                 of Tantra, visit SacredSexuality.net at <a href="http://www.sacredsexuality.net/" target="_blank" onclick="pageTracker._trackPageview('/outgoing/www.sacredsexuality.net/?referer=');">http://www.sacredsexuality.net</a></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--> <span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font: 7pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;"> </span></span></span></span> <!--[endif]--> Yoga &#8211; &#8220;yoke&#8221; &#8211; A philosophy                 meant to yoke the practitioner with the divine through  meditation, asanas and                 &#8220;right living.&#8221;</p>
</div>
<p><a name="credits"></a></p>
<hr /><a name="credits"> </a></p>
<p><a name="credits">Article by  Magdalene Meretrix<br />
Copyright © 1999 by </a><a href="mailto:maggie@realm-of-shade.com">Magdalene Meretrix</a></p>
<p>&#8220;Magdalene Meretrix is a retired prostitute and  ceremonial magician. She               considers her sex work of more than a decade and a half to  have been a               sacred counseling service and hopes to continue spreading  knowledge and joy               through her writing.&#8221;</p>
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		<title>Holding space for the Divine in many forms</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/128</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 31 Dec 2009 00:50:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[<blockquote>Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.</blockquote>
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. Rumi</p></blockquote>
<p>What is &#8220;wrong&#8221; and what is &#8220;right&#8221;? How do we as human beings create our complex understanding of social guidelines, and heritage?</p>
<p>In my experience, our communal consciousness is very powerful. From the moment we are born into this world, we are bombarded with instructions. Be this. Act this way. Do or do not do that.<br />
At times when individuals, or small groups feel inside themselves that a particular set of guidelines does not resonate with them they take a step away from what the majority of people accept as &#8220;the way to be&#8221;.</p>
<p>I have had the honor and calling in this life to explore &#8220;alternative&#8221; Relationship structures, power dynamics, personal definitions and agreements. My internal Integrity guides me as a Spiritual being, held in the context of a community. That community is part of a greater community, a Nation, and the planet Earth.</p>
<p>Once in awhile, I am called by the Divine to look beyond the familiar. To have a internal dialogue within my Self about &#8220;who am I in Relationship to this facet of the Divine&#8221;? In this common ground, and our own personal boundaries we are empowered to share Sacred space. With the Intent to consciously explore this Divine Experience. Oh what places this rabbit hole goes&#8230;</p>
<p>I am dazzled by the deepening Mystery of this exploration. To honor the Divine by holding each other Sacred. To honor choice gives us each the Responsibility to create our world in the image of Love. What Love looks like, has many beautiful faces.</p>
<p>My preference is to create consensual, conscious, alternative Life choices&#8230;I resonate with those who seek to share these in celebration and joy. I Love you. I respect your courage to seek that which resonates in your Soul, in your Body and in your Mind: to find others who share that vision. You are safe here. You are held. You are beautiful.</p>
<p>Welcome to the Temple. Harm ye none. Know yourSelf in Love and be Blessed.</p>
<p>Happy New Year!</p>
<p>Kris Ellen</p>
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		<title>Couples Sensual Experiences</title>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 24 Aug 2009 22:49:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Are you are celebrating your anniversary?  How about a special gift of love and devotion? A spontaneous treat to foster depth and intimacy?  No matter what your special occasion, your sensualist experience awaits.
Here is a testimonial from a couple I shared time with&#8230;I am honored to share a unique and sensual experiences with you! I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Are you are celebrating your anniversary?  How about a special gift of love and devotion? A spontaneous treat to foster depth and intimacy?  No matter what your special occasion, your sensualist experience awaits.<br />
Here is a testimonial from a couple I shared time with&#8230;I am honored to share a unique and sensual experiences with you! I honor your courage and celebrate the connection between partners. It is such a blessing to share this deep work. The exponential growth that may be achieved is stunning.</p>
<p>Review: Kris Ellen.  Professional Sensualist<br />
My wife and I met Kris Ellen and after a number of refreshingly open and mature conversations about our mutual interest in Tantra and spiritual growth, we scheduled a session. After a “getting to know each other” conversation, the three of us went to our ocean side home and my wife and I discovered a deep, enjoyable and very special sharing with Kris Ellen. She is the heart of Tantra and someone who can aid anyone in their growth . We look forward to many great times with Kris Elle to sharing, and growing together.<br />
G.</p>
<p>I am honored to share these gifts of sacred, sensual connection with you.</p>
<p>Blessings,</p>
<p>Kris Ellen</p>
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		<title>New oppertunities, Travel and the Sensualist Temple Tour.</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/78</link>
		<comments>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/78#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 24 Aug 2009 22:35:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Holistic Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male Sacred Spot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Professional Sensualist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ritual]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sacred Sex]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Sexual Mystic]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Travel]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unique sessions]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[moving]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Greetings Friends,
I am excited to share that I will be moving out of Humboldt(for some time away)  and beyond the Redwood Curtain. If you are here in Humboldt and desire a sensualist experience please contact me. I will be creating opportunities to return and share sessions on specific dates.
If you are not in Humboldt and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Greetings Friends,</p>
<p>I am excited to share that I will be moving out of Humboldt(for some time away)  and beyond the Redwood Curtain. If you are here in Humboldt and desire a sensualist experience please contact me. I will be creating opportunities to return and share sessions on specific dates.</p>
<p>If you are not in Humboldt and seek to share these luscious opportunities, I look forward to hearing from you too! My home base will be in the Central Valley near Sacramento. I shall be expanding my travels far and wide. Phoenix is calling me this Fall.</p>
<p>Who knows where else my my travel adventures will lead! I am open to the possibilities.</p>
<p>I look forward to hearing from you!</p>
<p>Blessings,</p>
<p>Kris Ellen</p>
<p>My cell phone # is: 707-845-3076</p>
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		<title>Forward: &#8220;This is what a sexless marriage feels like&#8221; (a woman&#8217;s perspective)</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/60</link>
		<comments>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/60#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 24 May 2009 20:44:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Blogroll]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Body Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Goddess Sacred Spot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Holistic Healing]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Sacred Sex]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[From : Salon.com
This is What a Sexless Marriage Feels Like (http://open.salon.com//blog/and_yet/2009/05/11/this_is_what_a_sexless_marriage_feels_like)
This is What a Sexless Marriage Feels Like:
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2>From : Salon.com</h2>
<p>This is What a <span style="border-bottom: 1px dashed #0066cc; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; cursor: pointer; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial" class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1243197692_2">Sexless Marriage</span> Feels Like (<a href="http://open.salon.com//blog/and_yet/2009/05/11/this_is_what_a_sexless_marriage_feels_like" target="_blank" onclick="pageTracker._trackPageview('/outgoing/open.salon.com//blog/and_yet/2009/05/11/this_is_what_a_sexless_marriage_feels_like?referer=');"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1243197692_3">http://open.salon.com//blog/and_yet/2009/05/11/this_is_what_a_sexless_marriage_feels_like</span></a>)</p>
<p>This is What a Sexless Marriage Feels Like:</p>
<p><!-- <a class="myyahoo" href="http://add.my.yahoo.com/rss?url=" onclick="pageTracker._trackPageview('/outgoing/add.my.yahoo.com/rss?url=&amp;referer=');">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</a> &#8211;> <!-- <a class="buzzit" href="#">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</a> &#8211;></p>
<p><span style="float: left; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-align: right"><span style="font-family: verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; line-height: 18px; text-transform: uppercase"></span><span></span> </span><span class="share" style="text-align: right"></span>This post is not about virtue. It is not an ask for sympathy. It attempts to explore what I&#8217;ve learned about sex and sexuality since sex ended within my long-term relationship. I won&#8217;t say much about why, because half of it is not my story to tell and I have no right. Just know that because of illness and after sharing a normal, monogamous, sexually active relationship for nearly a decade, my spouse suddenly lost the need, desire, and passion for sex.</p>
<p>When sex disappears like that, you don&#8217;t necessarily know it at the time. There&#8217;s no announcement. No resetting of hormones for each of you. No discussion that starts with, &#8220;I&#8217;m thinking I&#8217;ll never want to have sex again. Are you ok with this?&#8221;  It&#8217;s just gone. One day, perhaps months or years later, you realize that the last time you had sex together was the last time you’d <em>ever</em> have sex together.</p>
<p>As I’ve gone through these years without a sexual connection to my spouse, sexual desire did not fade within me. I still think about sex and long for it, I still dream about it, and fantasize. I do try to minimize overt exposure to what can make it harder. I don’t read the OS dirty haikus on Thursday and I never read sensual erotica. I look away during sex scenes in films. I no longer engage in “how’s your sex life” conversations with friends. And yet, even with these rules and a relationship devoid of sex, sex remains a part of my life, in my mind, in my dreams, and in my writing.</p>
<p>As I’ve gotten through these last eight years, I’ve thought a lot about sex, sexuality, and relationships. Here is some of what I’ve discovered:</p>
<p><strong>Sex is vital to a good life.</strong> What? You thought you knew that? So did I. I knew sex reduced my stress level, added to my joie de vivre, helped me sleep more soundly, and that it made the mornings after sweeter. I knew that dependable, good sex was very important, even imperative to a good life and relationship. Going without sex led me to understand its meaning even more: I understand how it nourishes and comforts, touches the soul, sustains our natural rhythms. All of that was happening before, so I never examined the ‘how or why”. Going without sex now, I can see how the lack of it upsets each of those things.</p>
<p><strong>Sex may not be a need like air, but it is needed.</strong> Yes, I can live without sex, I pretty much do, but I don’t live joyfully. It’s gotten harder, not easier to go without for so long. I need sex to live the life I wanted to live, to feel happiness to the potential I have within me, to carry me through life’s challenges and sorrows. I need sex like I need friends and conversation, like I need the sun and spring, like I need books and music. I need sex to make all of those things better, too. Some nights, sex is all I can think about. I ache to be desired and wanted, to give way to joy and abandon. There is no substitute for the moment when your lover reaches out for you with passion, or with love. Trust me on this, there is no substitute.</p>
<p><strong>Sex holds you together when everything else is pulling you apart. </strong>Another given, but think about it for a gentle moment. How many times has that tender caress, that kiss that lingers just a bit longer, that flirtatious glance made you feel closer, safer, connected, a couple, united? How often has it been the bridge from anger to forgiveness, from stressed to relaxed, from lonely to loved? It works. Sex does the job it is supposed to do, fusing you as a couple. Sharing sex means exposing vulnerability, intimacies of the heart and body. You know secrets about each other that are beyond naked and truer than fact, learned during uncensored moments of bliss. Honoring and protecting those secrets is a gift to each other.</p>
<p><strong>Sex makes me feel like a woman and nothing else really does. </strong>My career doesn&#8217;t do that for me. Spending time with friends doesn&#8217;t. Volunteering doesn’t. Wearing skirts and lingerie helps, but still&#8230;.  sex? Oh yes. That&#8217;s when I feel womanly and confident, aching to express my desire and eroticism, and ready to reveal the mysteries of my gender. Nothing else asks me to reach in and grasp the inner femaleness that flows so deep, that yearns to surface. Going without sex now, I sometimes feels less of who I am, less connected to my friends and other women, a little less relevant in the world. I feel distant from myself.</p>
<p><strong>Our sexuality continues to evolve over time, even after many years.</strong>  About five years into this, I realized something very new about my sexual desire, something I had not considered before. How could this be? I wasn’t in an active sexual relationship, I was making every attempt to de-sexualize myself, and suddenly a new sexual idea came to me begging to be explored and experienced. How unfair and cruel! This revelation thrilled, stunned and scared me. How and why this came to me during the sex-free years of my existence remain obscure to me, and yet there it is. Just another reminder that sexuality, that basic human drive, has a life of its own.</p>
<p><strong>Sex allows you to communicate in ways that you cannot replicate in any other way.</strong>   What you can do with your fingers, your mouth, your hips&#8230;. all those luscious areas of the body that allow for expression that can&#8217;t be articulated any other way. During sex you can whisper and tease and demand and beg with intonation and nuances that are not appropriate in any other setting. I miss this language so dearly and with such a vengeance that I have to continually monitor myself to be sure I don&#8217;t do it in the wrong setting.<span>  </span>I have to say, honestly, this is probably what I miss the most – the language of sex.</p>
<p><strong>Masturbation is nice.</strong> And I am a pro. I swear to all of you, none of you are better at this than I am. I always knew masturbation was nice, but before it was just a warm-up or a way to tide myself over between couple-sex events. Now it<span><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: black"> </span></span><em>is</em><span><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: black"> </span></span>sex.</p>
<p><strong>Masturbation gets to be very, very lonely. </strong>Not lonely enough to totally stop, but lonely enough that sometimes an orgasm from solo masturbation ends in tears and a feeling of profound solitude.</p>
<p><strong>Sex gives us some hope. </strong>Sex makes us hope, for more, for better, for different, for the same. During the good years, we had sex pretty regularly, as couples do. Thursday night? Always. Again on a weekend night and a weekend morning, even both weekend mornings. And then there was Tuesday, the bonus day. Tuesdays felt a little hopeful, a little romantic, a little sexy. I miss that feeling, wondering if it will be a ‘sex Tuesday’. I miss counting on sex on Thursday, and looking forward to weekend sex. Going without sex all the time adds a layer of drudgery to the week. Now it&#8217;s just work, time after work, and then sleep. Same thing tomorrow. Same thing next week, next month, and next year. Sex adds that soft glitter to the winter’s gray, a soothing balm to the end of a long work day, a benevolent barrier to the world outside.</p>
<p><strong>The less I had sex, the more I thought about it.</strong><span><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: black"> </span></strong></span>During the first few years of this, I thought about sex all the time. There wasn&#8217;t a conference room table on which I didn&#8217;t imagine a lewd image during a business meeting. I couldn&#8217;t enter an elevator without seeing myself pressed against the wall by a lover and kissed passionately. When I traveled, hotel rooms kept me awake at night as I thought about all the options therein. I have consciously worked to mitigate those thoughts and that’s helped, but even that ‘success’ feels like a loss.</p>
<p><strong>Sex makes me love my body.</strong><span><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: black"> </span></strong></span>Watching, feeling, hearing a lover take pleasure in my body and receive it from my touch, these feelings are inimitable. A lover’s certain touch affirms me emotionally and physically. Knowing that my body and my own touch produce exquisite gratification and joy tell me I am a sexy, sensual woman. I appreciate my body and am glad for it, but I ache to express and enjoy its sexual potential.</p>
<p><span style="font-weight: bold">Our sexuality is a gift of comfort and passion that we offer the world, an offer to sustain a love, to convey our essence from our soul</span>.</p>
<p>There is more to say, but even a non-sexual relationship deserves some privacy. Thank you for respecting that. Please remember these are just<span><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: black"> </span></span><em>my</em><span><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: black"> </span></span>lessons. They may be meaningless to others who face this, and to those of you who are sexually active. I honestly can&#8217;t predict what will resonate for anyone. I beg you not to tell me I am wrong, but to trust that this is what I think and feel.</p>
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		<title>A new experience here at the Temple.</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/59</link>
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		<pubDate>Sun, 24 May 2009 20:38:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Body Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Goddess Sacred Spot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Holistic Healing]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Miscellaneous]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Ritual]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sacred Sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex Coach]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Greetings Friends,
There are a number of new evolutionary steps going into practice here at the Temple.
Forthwith the &#8220;donation&#8221; will be known as the &#8220;offering of support&#8221;.  All offerings are to be placed in the offering bowl prior to the conclusion of our time together. There will be no discussion of the offering during the session. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Greetings Friends,</p>
<p>There are a number of new evolutionary steps going into practice here at the Temple.</p>
<p>Forthwith the &#8220;donation&#8221; will be known as the &#8220;offering of support&#8221;.  All offerings are to be placed in the offering bowl prior to the conclusion of our time together. There will be no discussion of the offering during the session. It is not negotiable or refundable.</p>
<p>Your offering of support is what nourishes the growth and life of the Temple. As this is my spiritual path I am honored to share with you my ministry, my calling and my passion.</p>
<p>There will be a Prostate Health and Awareness class I am putting together for all men over 35 and the people who love them.  As well as a Breast Health class  presented in the next few months.</p>
<p>If you would like class updates please share with me your contact information so that I may let you know as events unfold.</p>
<p>Blessings on your journey.</p>
<p>KrisEllen</p>
<p>In love,</p>
<p>Kris Ellen</p>
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		<title>Healing sensual massage for women</title>
		<link>http://wickedpxy.com/archives/58</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 12 May 2009 23:22:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>KrisEllen</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Body Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Goddess Sacred Spot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[ Here is an article I&#8217;d like to share with all the women thinking about manifesting their own healing. Forwarding from Philadelphia magazine, May 2009.
Sex: Very Desperate Housewives (I so dislike this title!) *To distort the beautiful sharing bodywork can be and write a titillating headline. Ahh!*(my comments, not the article)
A man willing to pay for [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p> Here is an article I&#8217;d like to share with all the women thinking about manifesting their own healing. Forwarding from Philadelphia magazine, May 2009.</p>
<p>Sex: Very Desperate Housewives (I so dislike this title!) *To distort the beautiful sharing bodywork can be and write a titillating headline. Ahh!*(my comments, not the article)</p>
<p>A man willing to pay for sex in the city can find it easily. But for a woman looking to buy erotic pleasure, it’s not so simple. Then our writer found Brian, who will come to your home to deliver a certain sort of massage<br />
By Loren Hunt<br />
Page 1 of 4<br />
Betty [Client names and identifying characteristics have been changed.] lit all the candles because the electricity had gone out due to a thunderstorm raging through the Delaware Valley, not because she expected the massage to be particularly romantic. She’d found the massage therapist online, and scheduled the appointment for a night when she knew she’d be alone, with no kids or husband to distract her from this simple bought pleasure that, at 46, she was just starting to feel she deserved. Betty didn’t realize exactly how pleasurable the experience would be. When Brian showed up at her door with his massage table and waited for her to take her clothes off in the other room, it was all business. Betty was so self-conscious about her body at first that she almost didn’t want to step out into the living room without clothes on. She was the first to admit she was no supermodel, no size two or four or six or any of those trim little numbers that women are always striving to diminish themselves into. But she reminded herself that Brian was a professional and surely had seen worse. And what this whole thing was about was how badly she needed to be touched, a need that had lately begun to overrule all self-consciousness, all fear, all propriety. When Brian began to massage her, whispering in her ear, “It’s all about you,” Betty’s enjoyment must have been obvious. “I have another website,” he told her. “I offer a full body massage, where every part of your body is touched, with a full release.” Same price; a hundred bucks. Was she interested? The answer was yes, oh God, yes.</p>
<p>I first stumbled across Brian’s ad buried in the something-for-everyone circus of Craigslist while researching the options available to women for erotic pleasure of the purchased variety. When men want sexual gratification, they don’t have to look very hard to find it in Philadelphia, in almost any price range. What I was looking for was an equivalent just as readily available to women. I wasn’t expecting to find much. As I clicked around on Craigslist, though, I realized I really wanted to. Not so much for myself right now. I was thinking of myself all alone at 60, or married to a husband who was impotent or uninterested, or me on a business trip to some lonely town, or in any number of situations where it would just be more practical to pay someone to get the job done than to go out and find it. As I’d suspected, there wasn’t much out there that fit my basic criterion: It had to be easier and no less dubiously safe than anything I could arrange for myself at the local bar.</p>
<p>PERHAPS SAYING THERE wasn’t much out there is unfair. Rather, there wasn’t much that sounded like something I might do, regardless of how badly I was craving touch or company. Sure, there was the guy with the boa constrictor draped around his bare shoulders, whose typo-ridden ad offered cheap massages for the ladies. He actually seemed like one of the better options, because at least he was charging. Most of the other ads offering to service women were amateur men seeking sex, in the same way men seek sex in practically every other section of Craigslist. But these ads almost invariably used “massage” as a code word. I looked for other possible codes, such as “pool boy” or, grasping at straws, “private car washer,” but no dice. There was a lot of jabber about “tantra,” an Eastern practice that incorporates orgasm into its mostly spiritual course of study. Brian’s ad was different. What he was proposing sounded just like an ordinary massage. When you followed the ad to his website, Pleasinghandsmassage.com, however, it became clear: Brian markets himself as a legitimate, professional massage therapist who happens to massage everything. Specifically, everything on women. The website is no-nonsense, light on the flowery promises, and heavy on testimonials that include the e-mail addresses of his most satisfied clients. Brian ranges far and wide from his Jersey home to serve clients in the Philadelphia area — he travels with his folding massage table — and points beyond. In my mind, the distinction between this website and the other advertisements I’ve looked at is self-evident: This is something women would do.</p>
<p>Despite the close quarters at the counter of the Dutch Eating Place at Reading Terminal Market, Brian of Pleasing Hands Massage is unflinching about explicitly discussing the nature of his business. I can sense the ears of everyone around us perking up as I struggle through all the possible polite euphemisms for what makes Brian’s massages different from those available at a spa or gym: “full release,” “happy ending,” “complete full-body massage,” and his own “pleasing hands.” Brian, being in the business of making women feel comfortable in situations that could very quickly turn uncomfortable, patiently matches my euphemisms until I get over myself and come out with it: Genital massage. Clitoris. Orgasm.</p>
<p>“There are any number of reasons why my clients come to me,” Brian tells me. “Which is to say that there are any number of reasons why someone would feel the need to be touched. I work with sexual abuse survivors. I’ve served as sort of swinger training wheels for couples who are experimenting with the idea of opening their relationship. I’ve been the entertainment for girls’ weekends at the beach. I’ve helped some achieve their goal of G-spot ejaculation. I’ve worked on women whose husbands were impotent … pretty much you name it.” Brian doesn’t discriminate, as long as a prospective client is at least 18. His clients sometimes ask him whether he finds giving full-release massages arousing. “I can get aroused,” Brian says. “I’ve gotten aroused — but I’m there for the person I’m working on, not my needs.”</p>
<p>age 3 of 4<br />
LAINE, A SPUNKY 50-year-old manager of a suburban hair salon, says she was almost too nervous about having a strange man in her house to book her massage with Brian. Curiosity got the better of her. “When I opened the door and saw him, though, I trusted him completely. There was this big bodybuilder guy in a t-shirt that said ‘Massage Therapist,’ filling up the whole doorway. It sounds silly, but he looked like such a nice man.” Brian, 39 years old, is enormous in all directions, the kind of big man that even other big men would not want to anger, buzzed bald and dressed simply in shorts and a t-shirt. His voice is mild and friendly, and he’s engaged to a woman in secretarial temp work who’s interested in becoming a massage therapist. Brian’s the sort of archetypal bruiser-turned-teddy-bear that women trust instinctively.</p>
<p>I had originally intended to book a massage with Brian myself and write about the experience. The legality seemed questionable, though, in that hair-splitting, ambiguous way that would probably be nothing to worry about if I weren’t planning to write about pleasing hands. Brian himself says the legality of his massages is “sort of in a gray area.” The police department’s take seems equally ambiguous. Sergeant Irvin Riley of the Philadelphia Vice Enforcement Unit told me: “A massage becomes prostitution when an extra sexual service is offered for extra money. If the massage costs the same amount with the sexual element as it does without it, that’s considered to be the business of two consenting adults.” The department’s public affairs division, however, took a harsher view, calling paid-for massages that become sexual a form of “prostitution.” Legal or not, I was too chicken to go through with it.</p>
<p>Not so Mary, a 47-year-old college administrator who hired Brian after her marriage of 22 years fell apart. “I wasn’t comfortable dating yet, but I thought that this was something I could do for myself,” she says. After a moment’s hesitation, she adds, “My husband never touched me down there. Every time I’ve had an orgasm, I did it for myself. It was hard to get used to the idea of anyone else even trying to give me one.” While Betty the candle-lighter is still married and intends to stay that way, her story is similar: “I got married for the wrong reasons, as a lot of women my age have. You get to a certain age, your friends start getting married, you meet someone who seems like he’d make a good husband … and then the rest of your life happens,” she tells me over the phone. She’s not complaining; her voice is matter-of-fact. “My husband is … ” she begins, and then pauses to think. “My husband is my husband. It’s not that he’s a bad person, but sex is very simple for him, and he can’t exactly grasp that I might want something more.” Brian’s clients naturally encompass other attitudes toward his service. For example, Molly, 48, says that for her, Brian has been a “natural adjunct to a very satisfying sexual relationship with my husband of almost 15 years, who is completely aware and supportive.”</p>
<p>BRIAN HAS BEEN a massage therapist for 20 years, starting the “Pleasing Hands” leg of his trade six years ago. One of his regular clients broached the subject of getting a “full-release” massage, he did it, and she then referred him to a friend of hers, which started the chain of word-of-mouth referrals that led Brian to advertise himself as a full-release massage therapist.</p>
<p>At first, he offered the full-release service to both men and women. “It wasn’t necessarily a gay thing with my male clients,” Brian says. “Many of them were men who had chronic pain and literally needed a strong man to work on their muscles. The orgasm release at the end is just finishing the job: release of tension, release of stress, release of pain, release of orgasm.”</p>
<p>Brian’s impulse to cater to both genders was touchingly democratic, but he acceded to his female clients’ desire that he work only on them. To a man, a full-release massage that actually gets out the kinks in his back is just one more way he can generally get whatever he wants. For a woman, it’s an act of liberation and courage whose exclusivity to women increases this exact appeal.</p>
<p>Brian sees anywhere between five and 15 massage clients a week, roughly 75 percent of them women who want to experience a full release. His competition is limited to one other practitioner Brian considers to be legitimate: a man named Frank who works in the area and uses the same Internet marketing resources as Brian (Craigslist, Sensualzen.com, Frank’s own website, Tantricserenity.com). Frank tends to play up the aspect of tantra in his copy, whereas Brian bypasses this to focus on sounding professional and nurturing.</p>
<p>Clients such as Betty, though, are still somewhat circumspect about their use of Brian’s services. “I don’t have a happy marriage,” she says, “but I want my home to be as peaceful and happy as possible for my children. It’s not a perfect world. Brian needs to be my secret. I don’t feel I’m cheating, but I can see how it would be seen that way.”</p>
<p>Betty’s right; it’s not a perfect world. When you speak to Brian’s clients, it’s easy to forget just how much could go wrong when a woman hires a man to address her sexual needs. Safety concerns aside, sexuality is still an inner minefield for many women. Even in an age in which sex-toy parties have replaced Tupperware nights, it’s still the few and the brave among women who hire a professional to help them get off. And it’s the even fewer and braver men who’ve stepped up to the task and figured out how to meet these women’s needs in a way that satisfies their female clients, as opposed to their own libidos.<br />
Originally published in Philadelphia magazine, May 2009</p>
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